STEPS TO BECOMING A MORE LOVABLE YOU
This is going to take a lot of hard work, practice and patience. You’ve developed habits that have been installed in you for many years until this present day. A lot of relearning and brainwashing that’s going to have to take place. Things that have helped me.
1. Self reflect…
Identify all that you are. Your fears. Likes, dislikes. Insecurities. Now this may take time. A day. A week. A month. A year or many years. Depending on how in depth you are willing to go. You might even cry. No! actually scratch that, you will cry. You might become angry at all of the suppressed emotions that comes up when you finally decide to face yourself. Memories you’ve stored in the back of your psyche will begin to resurface. That’s okay, sit in it.
The purpose is to understand you. To get to really know yourself. Too many people do not like to sit alone with themselves because if they do, they will discover that they don’t really like who they are deep down inside. The version of ourselves that is trapped in our minds. They run from this person by distracting themselves with noise and the company of others. Why? because it’s so much easier to run from who we truly are than to admit our flaws and shortcomings. So begin the hard work by being honest with yourself. Evaluate your heart: that’s the motives and intents behind your actions. Be genuine in your quest to self discovery. It’s bad already to lie to others about who you are but it’s worse to lie to yourself about who you are. That just means that you do not accept yourself and aren’t willing to acknowledge your imperfections as a human being. It is nearly impossible to love someone who you do not know and understand fully.
Also, understand that as human beings, we are always changing, meaning that ever so often we will have to get to know the person that we are today. We have to check our fears, likes, dislikes, and insecurities of today. As we face new challenges and gain new experiences, these may not be the same as they were a few months ago. Always self reflect.
2. Renew the mind..
(Podcasts ..saying affirmations …listening to affirmations during sleep (brainwashing)… reading the Bible, reading books, watching videos to learn more. Begin to replace all of the negative self talk with the opposite. A more positive alternative. If the thoughts in your head tell you that you are ugly. Tell yourself that “I am beautiful.” The thoughts in your head tell you that you are unworthy. Tell yourself “I am worthy of love.” Of respect. It’s easier said than done, trust me I know. This requires action.
The point is to rewire your thinking and because it did not take one day to develop this negative habit, it will not take one day to change it. Because that’s what it is. A habit of bad self talk. As Zig Ziglar would say “a case of stinking thinking”. Every insult that was thrown at you. Every disappointment that was expressed to you. The bullying you may have endured in your childhood from those closest to you. All the negative voices swarming your mind forms into insecurity; this is what now becomes your inner voice. It’s time to start breaking habits and forming new ones. It’s time to start telling yourself new things: more positive, uplifting things. Things that will motivate you to cultivate more in this life. But it will require repetition, repetition, repetition. It will require self awareness and being intentional. I heard it takes 21 days to form a habit. Well try it for 21 days. And then another 21 days. Until you start to see changes and progression in your thinking patterns. Know that doubt will creep into your mind as you are in the process of rewiring the brain but the goal is to push through no matter the obstacle. Keep learning, gaining new knowledge and feeding your brain. An idle brain is a devil’s playground they say and we don’t want him in there!
3. Acquire NEW knowledge.
And in all that you do, get understanding. Knowledge is so important when it comes to self development because if you do not know better, you simply will not do better. With all of these different resources out there, it doesn’t really make sense why majority of people are walking around living mediocre lives. As I am typing, I even speak to myself when I say this. We have YouTube, bookstores, libraries etc. Knowledge is at the tip of our fingers, it is EVERYWHERE. It’s just a matter of how much we want to be a learner, a student of life. We believe that learning stops after school and college but that’s simply not true, there’s so many things to learn in this life that school can’t teach us. Experience will ultimately be our greatest teacher, its just a matter of our willingness to learn and grow from mistakes. It is up to us to gain the knowledge that help us navigate through this life. Watch podcasts, read books, speak to people in your life that exude wisdom: who’s been there and done that. Someone who is willing to learn will always keep growing and becoming improved versions of themselves. We’re not meant to remain the same. To be stagnant. If you want to be a new you, then you have to do what’s required of you to be a new you. And it all starts with what’s being put in your mind first.
4. Take action!
No seriously, take action. Like stop going places that don’t benefit you…stop habits that make you feel like shit i.e. drinking excessively, enter more examples here. Stop hanging around people who do you no good. Start to take one day at a time working on things that you know you want to improve on. Become obsessed with taking action. Keep yourself from distractions, that means anything or anyone that can detour you from making positive changes. Quit doing the things you truly don’t want to do in this life and start doing the things that push you closer to what you want to accomplish. You only have one life to live, so make the best of the time we are given. Life is too unpredictable to live a life that’s not blessed and abundant.
5. Remain consistent.
Know that what you are doing is HARD. Know that you will not see changes overnight. This can be discouraging. Trust me I know. But just think about it, if you keep on doing the same thing over and over, eventually you will get used to this new habit you’re forming. Muscle memory I think is what they call it. Now if you stop? You will have to start the process all over again. So why stop? Why not keep going? What is the point in taking two steps forward to then go back four? Remain consistent. Through the mundane and difficult times. Know that you may fail but keep on going anyhow. You only truly fail when you stop trying. You will never reach perfection but striving to be our perfect self, our best selves is the greatest part in all this. The process of seeing growth and change is what makes it truly worth it. The effort we put in daily to ensure that we are becoming someone we love and are proud of is what truly matters.